This is the Title of an Uncreative Violinist.:)

 Well, obviously I haven't written anything in quite awhile.  After my mom died 16 months ago, pretty much all desire to do anything with this blog went away. Maybe someday I'll write more about that, but for now I just wanted to say...I'm still alive and busy with life. The kiddos are growing fast and they mostly keep me from going into a deep depression over my mom. Also, being in a relatively new town and a new house distracts me, not to mention I don't associate my mom with anything here so in a way it's been good for me. I notice I get emotional with older places that hold fond memories of my mom, like my hometown or even in the previous city we used to live. Maddie is almost finished with in-person kindergarten! She's done so well, and at the beginning of the year, tested gifted in the reading and comprehension department, so she is well ahead of where she should be. She's only 5.5 but reads at a 4th grade level, so we're so pleased with her progre

Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving ❤ This year we will be having a small and quiet, but relaxing, Thanksgiving with just us and my dad and brother. Ryan is cooking the turkey and I'm making mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, roasted Brussels sprouts, pumpkin cheesecake and apple spice cake. A lot of food for just four adults and two littles,  but without my mom for this one, I just want to maintain some traditions. Especially my apple spice cake (recipe somewhere on this blog...just not enough time to find it!) which my mom always asked me to make for previous holidays. While we're certainly feeling my mom's absence on her favorite holiday, I still have to count my blessings. I have my own little family, a roof over our heads and food to cook and eat today. I know I have much to be thankful for today. Wishing you and yours a safe and happy holiday today❤

I feel a little strange writing this particular post; my mom used to read my blog (and probably was my only reader!) and now she is not.  Yesterday was what would have been my mother's 72nd birthday--she passed away two weeks ago on October 29th. I've been dreading this post for a long time.  I can vividly recall writing a post right after my mom was diagnosed with brain cancer and how scared and sad I felt.  Those feelings are still so fresh, and yet, I haven't really cried too much, or as much as I thought I would, since her funeral.  Probably because the last 2.5 years were so emotionally taxing already.  It's possible my family is in a daze right now.  I don't think I'm in denial--I haven't felt those feelings as if she's going to appear around the corner nor have I reached for my phone to text or call her mindlessly, only to remember she is gone and I can't do that.  No, I'm perfectly aware she is gone.  She HAD been gone for the last 6-8

Wow. This thing is in need of an update:( My last post didn't end on a great note and really hinted at not-so-great things to come.  As of today, my mom is still with us, but has gotten significantly worse (as if I could have imagined that was possible this past spring when things already seemed bad!). If I could have only known that her state of being was preferable to how she is now, maybe I would have appreciated our time even more.  In April, she was still walking, albeit, with a lot of trouble, but walking, nonetheless.  She was still able to go to the restroom by herself. Go up and down stairs very carefully.  Feed herself. Today, she can do none of those things on her own.  She is bedridden, wheelchair ridden; my dad has all this hospital grade equipment filling their home to assist in transferring her from bed to wheelchair to go to the bathroom, shower or to the kitchen to eat meals.  She sleeps probably 20 hours a day.  I remember my last conversation with her where

I don't know how to begin this post. I've dreaded it but I also have no other real means of getting my emotions out that feel sufficient enough.  I can talk to some people, but the real person who always lent a generous ear and sound advice to my every concern and problem is the one who is now dying and gradually wasting away. A few weeks ago, at my mom's last MRI, we got the news that my mom's cancer is growing.  After feeling some hope for almost two years of living with this terrible diagnosis--because of somewhat stable scans-- we are feeling the stark reality of this journey ending for our family.  How does one cope with this?  I have no idea, honestly.  For awhile there I thought I was at peace with the inevitability of losing my mother; after all, I'm not so self involved to really believe that I'm the only one who has ever lost a parent--it happens all the time.  Those people survive...I should, too, right?  But even the fact that so many have gone thr

Just popping in for an obligatory update:)  I get that I probably have zero readers now due to sporadic posting and/or boring topics.  That's okay.  I know life is boring right now (well...not always, but babies aren't the most interesting thing to a lot of people, I get it) but it sure is moving fast, too :( February is almost over and the promise of Spring is taunting me.  Especially with this spectacular view we have in our new home:  Boxes filled with stuff and junk are still everywhere and things aren't as clean as I'd like them to be--but that's what life with an 8 month old baby and 3 year old are like when you move:(  I distinctly remember when we moved into our prior home before having kids, I believe we had everything put away and feeling homey within one month!  It has now been almost 2 months since moving in and from the looks of everything, I highly doubt this place will start to feel comfortable for another several months. I also hope