A little morning sickness and rant #12,308
So I am in my 11th week of pregnancy--11 weeks & 5 days-- and I had my very first experience with "morning sickness" this past Monday. One day (and all night) only. I had to cancel lessons, although I only had two regular students (both of whom were sympathetic and understanding). What no teacher wants to hear--especially when they're not feeling well--is that some unexpected students showed up through a misunderstanding and missed message, and then you get an email from their guardian who doesn't even live in the same country as her wards, chewing you out for not being there when they showed up for lessons, even though you tried to reach them just in case.
Any teachers out there who have experienced a little hostility or resentment by parents (or other such role, as this isn't even a parent) either over pregnancy, illness or because of your performance schedule? I was chewed out for having all three, as this month is also busy for me with gigs, and I tend to reschedule students in order to do both the teaching and playing. Up until now, no one has ever complained about it, as long as they get all their lessons in.
It also leads me to ponder the vast differences between our culture and other cultures concerning pregnancy and how one approaches it.
These students of mine--all teenage Koreans who are visa students (and I LOVE teaching them... it's their guardian who is kind of a tight-ass and through some confusing complication isn't even living here in the States with them as she got her own visa revoked and is stuck over there in Korea) told me, upon learning I was expecting, that they were confused as to why it's treated as such a big deal here in the States when one is pregnant. In Korea, they keep it to themselves. Or so they say. My take on it is that there are probably all kinds of people in any culture who would react differently. I'm sure there are some Americans who might not get too excited about expecting and not share it with everyone; others find an excuse to have lots of parties and showers to celebrate their joy. I am fine with either extreme.
Is it akin to it being taboo to talk about "ladies' problems"? I don't know. So far, I've only gotten positive reaction from people when I've told them and that seems to be the overall feel of the American culture: that pregnancy is something to celebrate and get excited about. Some have even surprised me with how excited they've gotten (but maybe that's also because I've been married and childless for several years--perhaps all hope was lost for awhile there?). I honestly can't recall ever being overly excited about someone else's expectancy--there was just a disconnect and of course I couldn't totally understand until it happened to me (trust me: I HATED it whenever someone said that to me, "OH! You'll only know when you have kids yourselves." Shoot me if I ever say that to someone else).
In any case, if you've been reading me for at least a few years now, you know how I operate: I lose sleep and am troubled by even just one dissatisfied student. And especially when my professionalism is called into question, it's especially disheartening and disturbing for me. But in this situation, what does one do? I've been very lucky, I think, to not experience perpetual morning sickness because I CANNOT imagine having to go to work like that... and yet, I have no choice. Private music teachers don't get "sick days" they can use. You either lose the income or make up the lesson. How does one deal with an unsympathetic parent (or guardian) who completely ignores all the nice things you've done in the past for their kids (ie, free lessons, a shoulder to cry on when their boyfriend breaks up with them, free rides when you find out their guardian is making them cross busy streets to walk to their lessons instead of just dropping them right off at the studio, etc.) and chastises you for one mishap in two years of teaching?
Logic says, let it go. My true nature wants to slap these people upside the head.
But that's not proper Christmas talk, so let's move on.
I will NOT let this ruin my winter break *says it over and over again*
One more week of teaching and then I go on vacation. First, to my in-laws (who still don't' know) and then to my parents' house for my 32nd birthday. The plan is for some dim sum, then maternity clothes shopping with my mom. I am so looking forward to that.
I guess I do have a lot to be grateful for; with that perspective, I really shouldn't let one measly person get me down. I think I'm all better now :). Thanks for listening.
Any teachers out there who have experienced a little hostility or resentment by parents (or other such role, as this isn't even a parent) either over pregnancy, illness or because of your performance schedule? I was chewed out for having all three, as this month is also busy for me with gigs, and I tend to reschedule students in order to do both the teaching and playing. Up until now, no one has ever complained about it, as long as they get all their lessons in.
It also leads me to ponder the vast differences between our culture and other cultures concerning pregnancy and how one approaches it.
These students of mine--all teenage Koreans who are visa students (and I LOVE teaching them... it's their guardian who is kind of a tight-ass and through some confusing complication isn't even living here in the States with them as she got her own visa revoked and is stuck over there in Korea) told me, upon learning I was expecting, that they were confused as to why it's treated as such a big deal here in the States when one is pregnant. In Korea, they keep it to themselves. Or so they say. My take on it is that there are probably all kinds of people in any culture who would react differently. I'm sure there are some Americans who might not get too excited about expecting and not share it with everyone; others find an excuse to have lots of parties and showers to celebrate their joy. I am fine with either extreme.
Is it akin to it being taboo to talk about "ladies' problems"? I don't know. So far, I've only gotten positive reaction from people when I've told them and that seems to be the overall feel of the American culture: that pregnancy is something to celebrate and get excited about. Some have even surprised me with how excited they've gotten (but maybe that's also because I've been married and childless for several years--perhaps all hope was lost for awhile there?). I honestly can't recall ever being overly excited about someone else's expectancy--there was just a disconnect and of course I couldn't totally understand until it happened to me (trust me: I HATED it whenever someone said that to me, "OH! You'll only know when you have kids yourselves." Shoot me if I ever say that to someone else).
In any case, if you've been reading me for at least a few years now, you know how I operate: I lose sleep and am troubled by even just one dissatisfied student. And especially when my professionalism is called into question, it's especially disheartening and disturbing for me. But in this situation, what does one do? I've been very lucky, I think, to not experience perpetual morning sickness because I CANNOT imagine having to go to work like that... and yet, I have no choice. Private music teachers don't get "sick days" they can use. You either lose the income or make up the lesson. How does one deal with an unsympathetic parent (or guardian) who completely ignores all the nice things you've done in the past for their kids (ie, free lessons, a shoulder to cry on when their boyfriend breaks up with them, free rides when you find out their guardian is making them cross busy streets to walk to their lessons instead of just dropping them right off at the studio, etc.) and chastises you for one mishap in two years of teaching?
Logic says, let it go. My true nature wants to slap these people upside the head.
But that's not proper Christmas talk, so let's move on.
I will NOT let this ruin my winter break *says it over and over again*
One more week of teaching and then I go on vacation. First, to my in-laws (who still don't' know) and then to my parents' house for my 32nd birthday. The plan is for some dim sum, then maternity clothes shopping with my mom. I am so looking forward to that.
I guess I do have a lot to be grateful for; with that perspective, I really shouldn't let one measly person get me down. I think I'm all better now :). Thanks for listening.
Comments