Spring!
Happy first day of Spring!!! I've always said that Fall is my favorite season, but Spring is a pretty close second. I think I'm partial to "introductory" seasons...full of hope and eagerness for what's ahead.
I stepped out my door a few days ago and noticed some flowers sprouting out from underneath the brown dead leaves leftover from last fall. Purple flowers, although I'm not sure what type; there are still so many things the previous owner planted that I'm not familiar with, but I'm really looking forward to adding to the landscape and re-doing the backyard. She hadn't done much in the back due to her arthritis, so it's kind of a blank canvas right now. There are two raised garden beds she used for herbs and then wild flowers. I didn't prepare for winter and now they both look like a mess. I think I'll have to totally uproot one of them and turn it into a vegetable garden. I won't get rid of the herbs, since those are always useful.
This Spring also means Summer is next...and that means I get to meet my baby girl. It's a bittersweet time for me and my students. Last night, one of my Korean teenage students who I love dearly, said to me, "You aren't going to be here for much longer, are you?" I have about two more months before I "retire". She asked if I'd be coming back. This time, I decided to be truthful with her and I shook my head, "probably not". She looked very sad, "I'm really going to miss you!" Ahhhhhhhh. My last day will be hard.
My students have been my children for the past decade. I care about them; their parents may not realize just how much. I lose sleep over them, I think about the ones who are no longer my students and hope they're well. I wonder what the little ones will be like when they grow up. The ones who were still little when I last saw them and are now adults...I wonder what their lives are like now.
Many times, I've thought about what I do and shook my head thinking, "what a useless profession. I just teach kids how to draw a stick across a wooden box". But many times, the lesson is way more than that. I know my own private lessons and teachers gave me more than just the lessons. We all have our own ideas about what makes a good or bad teacher. I'm still figuring it out. I know that a little bit of love and a little bit of discipline are musts. Many times I've agonized over whether I'm actually doing a good job or not to my husband, and he would say "the very fact that you are tormenting yourself right now during your off-hours means you care. Good teachers care. Bad teachers clock out right on the dot and scurry home to not give it another thought (and then they go on strike for bigger raises;))."
Maybe. I don't know. I think no one can really teach anyone how to be a good teacher. These things come with experience. I wonder sometimes if I'll be an even better teacher after I have children. Will I be more patient, have more compassion? Not that I think one has to have children in order to possess those traits. Perhaps I'll surprise myself and have less of a desire to go back to teaching because I'll only want to focus on my own children. I wonder.
A lot of wondering going on here. That's what I love about life. We can't know what will happen or how things will turn out. That bothers some people--the "planners". Being organized and having a plan is fine--I wish I were more organized--but what happens when nothing goes according to plan?
I'm trying to rely more on my faith when I feel that worry rising. Sometimes, I feel I'm running out of time on "improving" myself because this baby will be here in a few months. What kind of example will I show her? But then I remember that all of us will be changing as she grows. I know I'm a much different person at 32 then I was in my 20's. Less naïve, perhaps a bit more skeptical, but at other times more understanding of people (I hope!). I can't express enough how excited I am for this girl to arrive and to experience life with her. I'm thankful for having both sides of my family close enough that we will be able to spend so much time with everyone. We have wonderful next door neighbors that Maddie will probably come to see as an extra set of grandparents. Of course right now, I'm only dreaming about the gooey, happy memories. That working-on-strengthening-my- faith part...I'm going to need that for the bad times, too. The ones we don't know about or don't want to think will happen to us. I'll need to be prepared for those, as well. Although, I guess no one can ever be "ready" for the bad stuff.
Well, I have to get things started and clean a bit around here. My husband's youngest brother and my sister-in-law are coming this weekend to bring us a crib and stroller. So grateful people are giving us things--it takes away a bit of the stress. The next few weekends into April are going to be BUSY. Recitals, rehearsals, concerts and then my first baby shower at my mom's! I can tell April is going to fly by.
Enjoy the weekend :)
I stepped out my door a few days ago and noticed some flowers sprouting out from underneath the brown dead leaves leftover from last fall. Purple flowers, although I'm not sure what type; there are still so many things the previous owner planted that I'm not familiar with, but I'm really looking forward to adding to the landscape and re-doing the backyard. She hadn't done much in the back due to her arthritis, so it's kind of a blank canvas right now. There are two raised garden beds she used for herbs and then wild flowers. I didn't prepare for winter and now they both look like a mess. I think I'll have to totally uproot one of them and turn it into a vegetable garden. I won't get rid of the herbs, since those are always useful.
This Spring also means Summer is next...and that means I get to meet my baby girl. It's a bittersweet time for me and my students. Last night, one of my Korean teenage students who I love dearly, said to me, "You aren't going to be here for much longer, are you?" I have about two more months before I "retire". She asked if I'd be coming back. This time, I decided to be truthful with her and I shook my head, "probably not". She looked very sad, "I'm really going to miss you!" Ahhhhhhhh. My last day will be hard.
My students have been my children for the past decade. I care about them; their parents may not realize just how much. I lose sleep over them, I think about the ones who are no longer my students and hope they're well. I wonder what the little ones will be like when they grow up. The ones who were still little when I last saw them and are now adults...I wonder what their lives are like now.
Many times, I've thought about what I do and shook my head thinking, "what a useless profession. I just teach kids how to draw a stick across a wooden box". But many times, the lesson is way more than that. I know my own private lessons and teachers gave me more than just the lessons. We all have our own ideas about what makes a good or bad teacher. I'm still figuring it out. I know that a little bit of love and a little bit of discipline are musts. Many times I've agonized over whether I'm actually doing a good job or not to my husband, and he would say "the very fact that you are tormenting yourself right now during your off-hours means you care. Good teachers care. Bad teachers clock out right on the dot and scurry home to not give it another thought (and then they go on strike for bigger raises;))."
Maybe. I don't know. I think no one can really teach anyone how to be a good teacher. These things come with experience. I wonder sometimes if I'll be an even better teacher after I have children. Will I be more patient, have more compassion? Not that I think one has to have children in order to possess those traits. Perhaps I'll surprise myself and have less of a desire to go back to teaching because I'll only want to focus on my own children. I wonder.
A lot of wondering going on here. That's what I love about life. We can't know what will happen or how things will turn out. That bothers some people--the "planners". Being organized and having a plan is fine--I wish I were more organized--but what happens when nothing goes according to plan?
I'm trying to rely more on my faith when I feel that worry rising. Sometimes, I feel I'm running out of time on "improving" myself because this baby will be here in a few months. What kind of example will I show her? But then I remember that all of us will be changing as she grows. I know I'm a much different person at 32 then I was in my 20's. Less naïve, perhaps a bit more skeptical, but at other times more understanding of people (I hope!). I can't express enough how excited I am for this girl to arrive and to experience life with her. I'm thankful for having both sides of my family close enough that we will be able to spend so much time with everyone. We have wonderful next door neighbors that Maddie will probably come to see as an extra set of grandparents. Of course right now, I'm only dreaming about the gooey, happy memories. That working-on-strengthening-my- faith part...I'm going to need that for the bad times, too. The ones we don't know about or don't want to think will happen to us. I'll need to be prepared for those, as well. Although, I guess no one can ever be "ready" for the bad stuff.
Well, I have to get things started and clean a bit around here. My husband's youngest brother and my sister-in-law are coming this weekend to bring us a crib and stroller. So grateful people are giving us things--it takes away a bit of the stress. The next few weekends into April are going to be BUSY. Recitals, rehearsals, concerts and then my first baby shower at my mom's! I can tell April is going to fly by.
Enjoy the weekend :)
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