What kind of teacher are you?
Over the years, I've gotten the same comment from parents after they observe me teaching their child a few lessons, and each time it throws me off. The comment: "You are SO patient!"
If you've gotten to know me in the slightest through this blog, um, it's probably pretty apparent that I'm not naturally a patient person! I'm, in fact, very impatient and it can get to the point of being so ugly that I turn myself off at times (being utterly honest here). So when a parent or student periodically tell me they appreciate my patience, I feel like they're talking to a different person because I don't see myself that way at all.
And sometimes, a little impatience DOES come out in my teaching. Very rarely do I show any frustration or anger towards a student, but during the times I do it's usually when it's apparent a student has been slacking off consistently, or they're misbehaving badly. For the ones who don't have a behavior problem but tend to have interesting practice habits (ie, never practice slowly, pretty much do their own thing, etc.), I can handle listening to their mistakes for only so long until we have an uncomfortably serious moment.
Today was one of those lessons: a sweet, quiet little Korean girl I've only had for a few months that showed a lot of promise in the beginning, but now things are slowing down as she tends to fly through her pieces very sloppily and fidgets impatiently when I want to slow things down and correct her mistakes. Each week has been the same story where I have no choice but to spend an entire lesson fixing one measure and hope she continues practicing in the same manner. Nope. Doesn't happen.
So I asked her how much she practiced this week. She answered confidently, "The usual" (at this point, I could tell she wasn't expecting me to interrogate any further--she was kind of twirling her dress and checking herself out in the mirror while she said it). I asked, "What's 'the usual'"? Every day?"
Uh-oh. The twirling stopped. She looked at my face and giggled a little. Her mom giggled, too, and looked down at her lap. I normally would have chuckled to cut into any tension that might be in the room, but this time...I just felt compelled to stand my ground and make it obvious I was not in the least bit happy with her.
Anyway, after making it clear that I just wasn't going to tolerate more of the same, my student left the lesson looking quite shamed and scared, and I thought to myself, "Craaaaaapppp!!" I mean, yeah, I was mad during the moment when I found out she was completely ignoring all my advice, but obviously it's only because as her teacher, I want her to be better; but it suddenly dawned on me that I was once like her...in fact, I remember having a lesson in COLLEGE where I became discouraged much in the same way. It was actually a scale class I had to take with my professor's TA, who now is a violinist in the Cincinnati Symphony, and I remember playing the beginning of Paganini's Caprice #17. In my regular lessons with Piotr Milewski--and pretty much with most of my previous teachers-- I was accustomed to playing through my pieces to completion and then hearing feedback afterwards. I didn't make it past the first measure of the Andante before I heard, "Nope! Do it again!" She interrupted me like that probably five or six times, and at that point, I was getting quite frustrated. "Nope! Not good enough! Do it again!" was all she told me. Now, in retrospect, I do remember my ego taking a hit, because obviously, I thought I sounded pretty good. But as I think back to that lesson, I also recall her not giving me any more feedback other than, "Not good enough!" and it really would have been helpful to say something other than that. YET, now that I'm a teacher, I regret taking those comments personally and walking out of the lesson angry and hurt. I totally see now that she wasn't saying that out of anger or to hurt my feelings...she was just trying to be a good teacher (and obviously she's a good player). Even as I was walking out, she asked, "Are you okay?" because it was clear on my face that I was miffed. And she was just fine. Just doing her job.
People, I was already an adult back then, and I STILL didn't get it (slow learner, that's right)! So sometimes I worry that those stern moments with my students will be damaging as they're much younger than I was at the time. But I also have this small hope that maybe it will stick with them in a positive way and change them for the better.
What are your opinions? Anyone had a teacher who was the "motherly" type or a stern, demanding one...or a little of both? Is either extreme better than the other? In the end, I guess I know the "right" answer, and that is that every student really does need to be dealt with differently.
On a teaching-related note, I taught my first at-home lesson the other day, and I gotta say...it's rather nice not to have to go anywhere to teach. I've been thinking about it constantly since that lesson, and serendipitously, when I arrived home today and checked my email, I found a message from a teacher moving out of state who needed to find a new teacher for her students who happen to live right by my house. If it works out, I'd like to move swiftly to make improvements in our basement for a better studio. Ryan already got laminate flooring months ago, and whenever we put that in, I'll probably also paint the walls and hang some pictures. We've lived here for years, but still haven't done anything exciting with the basement area, other than our rowing machine and desk occupying space.
Did some more shopping for the Colorado trip today--just some boring camisoles from F21--but thought it would be good to have stuff like that on the trip since we're planning a lot of hiking and running around. If I'm going to sweat but still want to look semi-cute, I may as well ruin some cheap tops!
If you've gotten to know me in the slightest through this blog, um, it's probably pretty apparent that I'm not naturally a patient person! I'm, in fact, very impatient and it can get to the point of being so ugly that I turn myself off at times (being utterly honest here). So when a parent or student periodically tell me they appreciate my patience, I feel like they're talking to a different person because I don't see myself that way at all.
And sometimes, a little impatience DOES come out in my teaching. Very rarely do I show any frustration or anger towards a student, but during the times I do it's usually when it's apparent a student has been slacking off consistently, or they're misbehaving badly. For the ones who don't have a behavior problem but tend to have interesting practice habits (ie, never practice slowly, pretty much do their own thing, etc.), I can handle listening to their mistakes for only so long until we have an uncomfortably serious moment.
Today was one of those lessons: a sweet, quiet little Korean girl I've only had for a few months that showed a lot of promise in the beginning, but now things are slowing down as she tends to fly through her pieces very sloppily and fidgets impatiently when I want to slow things down and correct her mistakes. Each week has been the same story where I have no choice but to spend an entire lesson fixing one measure and hope she continues practicing in the same manner. Nope. Doesn't happen.
So I asked her how much she practiced this week. She answered confidently, "The usual" (at this point, I could tell she wasn't expecting me to interrogate any further--she was kind of twirling her dress and checking herself out in the mirror while she said it). I asked, "What's 'the usual'"? Every day?"
Uh-oh. The twirling stopped. She looked at my face and giggled a little. Her mom giggled, too, and looked down at her lap. I normally would have chuckled to cut into any tension that might be in the room, but this time...I just felt compelled to stand my ground and make it obvious I was not in the least bit happy with her.
Anyway, after making it clear that I just wasn't going to tolerate more of the same, my student left the lesson looking quite shamed and scared, and I thought to myself, "Craaaaaapppp!!" I mean, yeah, I was mad during the moment when I found out she was completely ignoring all my advice, but obviously it's only because as her teacher, I want her to be better; but it suddenly dawned on me that I was once like her...in fact, I remember having a lesson in COLLEGE where I became discouraged much in the same way. It was actually a scale class I had to take with my professor's TA, who now is a violinist in the Cincinnati Symphony, and I remember playing the beginning of Paganini's Caprice #17. In my regular lessons with Piotr Milewski--and pretty much with most of my previous teachers-- I was accustomed to playing through my pieces to completion and then hearing feedback afterwards. I didn't make it past the first measure of the Andante before I heard, "Nope! Do it again!" She interrupted me like that probably five or six times, and at that point, I was getting quite frustrated. "Nope! Not good enough! Do it again!" was all she told me. Now, in retrospect, I do remember my ego taking a hit, because obviously, I thought I sounded pretty good. But as I think back to that lesson, I also recall her not giving me any more feedback other than, "Not good enough!" and it really would have been helpful to say something other than that. YET, now that I'm a teacher, I regret taking those comments personally and walking out of the lesson angry and hurt. I totally see now that she wasn't saying that out of anger or to hurt my feelings...she was just trying to be a good teacher (and obviously she's a good player). Even as I was walking out, she asked, "Are you okay?" because it was clear on my face that I was miffed. And she was just fine. Just doing her job.
People, I was already an adult back then, and I STILL didn't get it (slow learner, that's right)! So sometimes I worry that those stern moments with my students will be damaging as they're much younger than I was at the time. But I also have this small hope that maybe it will stick with them in a positive way and change them for the better.
What are your opinions? Anyone had a teacher who was the "motherly" type or a stern, demanding one...or a little of both? Is either extreme better than the other? In the end, I guess I know the "right" answer, and that is that every student really does need to be dealt with differently.
On a teaching-related note, I taught my first at-home lesson the other day, and I gotta say...it's rather nice not to have to go anywhere to teach. I've been thinking about it constantly since that lesson, and serendipitously, when I arrived home today and checked my email, I found a message from a teacher moving out of state who needed to find a new teacher for her students who happen to live right by my house. If it works out, I'd like to move swiftly to make improvements in our basement for a better studio. Ryan already got laminate flooring months ago, and whenever we put that in, I'll probably also paint the walls and hang some pictures. We've lived here for years, but still haven't done anything exciting with the basement area, other than our rowing machine and desk occupying space.
Did some more shopping for the Colorado trip today--just some boring camisoles from F21--but thought it would be good to have stuff like that on the trip since we're planning a lot of hiking and running around. If I'm going to sweat but still want to look semi-cute, I may as well ruin some cheap tops!
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