Uh Oh

By Gaby -
So the marathon is about 3 weeks away...and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.  I'm starting to realize that I don't handle an overloaded schedule very well.  I'm such a one-track minded person.  In addition to trying to decently train for this marathon (the term "decently" is being very loosely used), I have to practice music for two separate orchestra concerts, teach a full studio of students and prepare them for the upcoming spring recital, AND on top of it all, be the perfect housewife!  How the f do working moms do it?  I can barely keep my house clean, do the laundry and make decent meals with everything going on.  Most times, stuff just sits around not being done.  I've tried so hard to make meals at home and some weeks I almost made it, but due to things just coming up and my not getting home until 9 or 10pm, there have been a day or two where I just caved into fast food.  I hate it so much.

After the marathon is over and all concerts and recitals are over with, I want to sit down and seriously think about what's important to me, what needs to be prioritized and what makes me HAPPY.  I'm such a "yes" person--I hate disappointing people and yes, I'm a pushover.  I'm turning 30 at the end of this year, and I think it's time I started saying "no" to some things.  I just need to figure out what.  One thing I totally am sure of: I really dislike being a neglectful wife, in the sense that I have an overwhelming desire to keep things orderly in the home and have home-cooked meals ready by the time my husband gets home from work.  I always feels so guilty when he's home and I have nothing ready, or I walk through the door with a bag of junk.  He works hard and that's not something he wants to come home to.  But I work hard, too!  So, where is there a happy medium?

Ok, I'm just rambling at this point.  I only ran 3 miles yesterday; I'm hoping to get my mid-week long run out of the way tomorrow morning (10 miles) and then muster up the discipline to prep dinner because I have another orchestra rehearsal late in the evening after I teach my students.  Somewhere in between, I need to practice a few hours.  Oh, and my dad is visiting this weekend (the day I have to run 20 miles before a morning rehearsal *STRESSED OUT*) AND I have NO IDEA how I'm going to have the house cleaned by the time he arrives.  Super duper. 

Heeheeee......*pulling out hair*

Comments

Karen Bjork Kubin said…
I'm sorry you've been so stressed. I know how it is--not exactly, but in a general way. It's been really important for me over the last few years to realize that it's not my job to be the "perfect _____"(you fill in the blank--wife, mother, musician, runner, etc.) It's my job to be ME as well as I can be, and that's different than trying to fit some ideal I set up for myself.

Hang in there!
April 17, 2012 at 9:23 AM
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