Losing sleep over students

It's funny how things tend to work themselves out.  I try to take control of it by stressing and worrying and in the end, it resolves itself without any doing on my part.  I have a very small life, but when those weird things happen, I thank God for giving me that slap in the face that I needed.  I'm not really in control, even when I like to think that I am.

Okay, so I mentioned that I was in a "slump" this past week.  A couple things had happened, but the main thing was I was stressed over how to handle a long-time student of mine.  I've written many times before about how I hate to lose students--especially when they've been with me for at least two years--but I know it will happen; but I also dread the part where a little piece of me dies when they leave for whatever reasons, good or bad.  Anyway, this particular student had hit a wall.  He actually had hit it quite awhile ago, and when it happened, his mother and I continually discussed how to motivate him to practice.  He was just not doing what I was asking him to do.  Certain bad habits were remaining, no matter how much I pointed it out and showed him how to fix it at lessons.  This year, he finally started opening up his ears only when other people pointed it out.  I was glad when people I know from the Columbus Symphony told my student he had poor posture and a lousy bow grip, because at least now other people were repeating what I'd been trying to fix.  And yet, I was a little upset that he was only listening to THEM and not me.  The last couple of months I felt we were just "rolling along" in our lessons.  I didn't know how else to help him.  He's starting high school and when my students get to be that age, they of course shoot up 8 inches and tower over me: it's crossed my mind several times that maybe my students stop respecting me because I don't intimidate them.  But at any rate, I was particularly frustrated with him and his mother this week, and thought of various ways to get them to move on without hurting their feelings--I even told my husband that it would perfect for him if he could study with a CSO musician...but that I doubted anyone would take him b/c of his current problems and lack of discipline.

Well, the mom called me last night to tell me that they had had a lesson with a CSO violinist and that he wanted to take on my student.  I think she was so scared I was going to have a fit or something, but I honestly was just amazed at how perfect the timing was.  I was happy for them that they were able to find an even more excellent teacher (I hope...at least, I hear great things about this guy), and based on what she told me from observing the first lesson, it seems like I was right about the respect thing--my student was so frieking nervous playing in front of this guy that he made sure he listened to every bit of advice this guy told him.  She repeated some things the teacher said that I had said myself in the past, but interestingly enough, my student only heard it for the first time coming from this man.  Sigh.

I'm not saying that when I have problems with a student, that the perfect solution is to pawn them off to another teacher who can figure out what to do with them.  In fact, I guess my mistake was keeping this kid for too long simply because I hate to think of myself as a quitter--I thought that if I kept him on, despite being frustrated enough to stress over it at home, I'd discover something that would set him on the right course.

Now I know that he just needed a new teacher.  I'm glad.   This is definitely a situation where I'm happy a student is moving on.  Okay, maybe a little sad--but that always happens, especially since I had him for four years!! Ugh.  I did lose sleep over it last night.  Not sure why, as I acknowledged it was the best thing.  The mom and I had a great conversation and they're coming in this week to say goodbye (she pointed out that they could not come in for any more lessons even though I reminded her they paid for them, because their new teacher "forbade" my student from studying w/ anyone else other than him. Lol.  Gotta love those egotistical musicians), but several hours after the conversation, I couldn't stop the thoughts from taking over my head...and the insomnia started.

There are other things on my mind, but I've ranted on long enough.  I need to practice before taking on today's students.

This Friday, I'll be leaving for KY and TN with my parents.  I was toying with the idea of going with them for awhile and thought it'd be too much time to take off, considering my trip in July to Aspen--but in the end, I kind of said "screw it" and realized that I barely take any time off throughout the year.  My students take all kinds of trips during winter, spring and summer vacation--and I seem to be the one that makes it up to them when they get back, so I just decided that it's time to give that time back to myself.

Gots to go.  Sorry for the depressing rant...sometimes I just need to get things off my chest.