Things need to change around here!
As July is coming to a close and August is fast approaching, the thought of Fall is really getting me excited and I've found myself looking at races again. I was about to make a list of races to do when I stopped myself and thought, "Uh, maybe you should try a 3 mile run first before jumping in after taking such a long break!" While our recent vacation to Colorado was pretty active, it also made me realize how not-in-shape I actually am (more than I care to admit). As I've mentioned before, my husband had his own journey to personal transformation a few years ago and has done a pretty good job of keeping himself in check and staying fit.
I, on the other hand, have hidden behind the easy excuse of being the girl that's "never had a weight problem". I still don't really have a weight problem, but I also can't say that I'm "cut". Definitely not that. I've been thinking more and more that I should take it to the next level and have my own journey towards some sort of transformation. It's not just because I want to look decent (of course that will be nice!), but I just want to feel proud of truly accomplishing something. For much of my life, I think I've been a coaster. Never really worked hard for anything...because I never felt I had to. I did okay in school without trying at all, playing the violin came easily to me (although in another sense and at another level, violin is NOT easy for me, the older I get and the wiser I become!), and I just never suffered any consequences for not working too hard. Well, until now. And those consequences are the fact that I'm not very proud of myself. I'm so tired of "coasting". There comes a time when that kind of behavior needs to stop.
There are a few areas I want to test this road towards change on: spiritual/mental, musical/professional, and physical. All three are equally important to me right now; I don't necessarily want to prioritize one over the other, although if I had to choose, spiritual growth would be most important to me (this is something I could spend another post talking about, but I'll cut it short here), as I'm quickly realizing.
After an incredibly lazy summer, I made a few small steps towards getting back to the road I really want to be on. I attended church for the first time (of my own will) in years, and I truly felt re-energized. Not in a superficial sense, because I certainly don't believe merely setting foot in a church makes a person spiritually full, but in a truly cathartic sense where a lot of things entered my mind and heart and reminded me that I can't DO my life alone. I was reminded this past Sunday that I need to let go and stop worrying. Worrying about the thing or things that won't matter to me in 5, 10, or 50 years. I've been focusing on the wrong things and have been so incredibly unhappy because of it. This summer, I've been more depressed and stressed out about losing students (oh, and I'm still losing them as I type this!) than I ever have before, because I can't stand the feeling of not having control. And unfortunately, being a musician or a music teacher is a vocation that has so little of it. You don't have control over stupid mishaps at an audition, or you don't have control over the student that hates coming to their lessons and wants to quit.
And yet, in all my years of worrying, I never once really turned it around and took advantage of the situation. I finally got it this week. I do NOT need to worry about it. My life is bigger than a few measly students here or there. My life includes MORE than just teaching and playing. And I'm ready to embrace the More.
I hope to do a better job of updating. Sometimes living life gets in the way:)
I, on the other hand, have hidden behind the easy excuse of being the girl that's "never had a weight problem". I still don't really have a weight problem, but I also can't say that I'm "cut". Definitely not that. I've been thinking more and more that I should take it to the next level and have my own journey towards some sort of transformation. It's not just because I want to look decent (of course that will be nice!), but I just want to feel proud of truly accomplishing something. For much of my life, I think I've been a coaster. Never really worked hard for anything...because I never felt I had to. I did okay in school without trying at all, playing the violin came easily to me (although in another sense and at another level, violin is NOT easy for me, the older I get and the wiser I become!), and I just never suffered any consequences for not working too hard. Well, until now. And those consequences are the fact that I'm not very proud of myself. I'm so tired of "coasting". There comes a time when that kind of behavior needs to stop.
There are a few areas I want to test this road towards change on: spiritual/mental, musical/professional, and physical. All three are equally important to me right now; I don't necessarily want to prioritize one over the other, although if I had to choose, spiritual growth would be most important to me (this is something I could spend another post talking about, but I'll cut it short here), as I'm quickly realizing.
After an incredibly lazy summer, I made a few small steps towards getting back to the road I really want to be on. I attended church for the first time (of my own will) in years, and I truly felt re-energized. Not in a superficial sense, because I certainly don't believe merely setting foot in a church makes a person spiritually full, but in a truly cathartic sense where a lot of things entered my mind and heart and reminded me that I can't DO my life alone. I was reminded this past Sunday that I need to let go and stop worrying. Worrying about the thing or things that won't matter to me in 5, 10, or 50 years. I've been focusing on the wrong things and have been so incredibly unhappy because of it. This summer, I've been more depressed and stressed out about losing students (oh, and I'm still losing them as I type this!) than I ever have before, because I can't stand the feeling of not having control. And unfortunately, being a musician or a music teacher is a vocation that has so little of it. You don't have control over stupid mishaps at an audition, or you don't have control over the student that hates coming to their lessons and wants to quit.
And yet, in all my years of worrying, I never once really turned it around and took advantage of the situation. I finally got it this week. I do NOT need to worry about it. My life is bigger than a few measly students here or there. My life includes MORE than just teaching and playing. And I'm ready to embrace the More.
I hope to do a better job of updating. Sometimes living life gets in the way:)
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And keep blogging!