Control Freak or Laid Back: What kind of wife are you?

This is something I've been fascinated with ever since I was a little girl--the effects of feminism on modern day wives and women.  Definitely no question that women are a lot more independent and stronger than they used to be 30, 40, 50 years ago.  It's now the norm--expectation, really--for women to work outside the home, regardless of whether they're single, married, have children or not.  And there are still plenty of SAHM's out there who came to that position perhaps from a career first, or maybe they fell right into it straight out of high school.
But, no question that there is a certain stigma now attached to the term, "Stay At Home Mom" or "Housewife".  I will safely ease in by saying I think it's perfectly wonderful and acceptable that women have CHOICES now;  I don't think anyone should be looked down on or be treated condescendingly for choosing to either pursue a career, or to choose to raise a family or be a supportive wife.

I actually didn't really want to talk about women and careers--that was sort of a detour of vomit there. Sorry.
What I've actually been thinking about a lot lately are the common role reversals we tend to see within an established relationship between men and women.  But especially married couples.  I see so often, more and more, that women "wear the pants" in the relationship; sure men still have the upper hand when it comes to certain types of logic and general lack of emotional drama (or as Dave Chapelle calls it: "Dynasty S**t") and women will always be more emotional (some more than others) and more offended by things than men.  And yet, I know and hear a lot about women controlling every.single.decision in a marriage--where to go eat, whether they can hang out with friends, what to buy, when to go to bed, when to get up, what house to buy, etc.etc.
And men go along with it.  Supposedly--and by their admission--to avoid a fight or harassment from their wives.

This has actually disturbed me greatly since I was a kid.  I always vowed that if I ever got married and had a family, I would NEVER be that wife that nagged her husband all day long.  Well, easier said than done :)  But seriously, there has to be some kind of balance, right?  I get that women as a whole are and should be proud of how far we've come along in terms of strength and independence...but seriously, do we need to berate and punish men in order to preserve that assertion?

My husband has been hanging out with a coworker a lot lately, and they play video games online often when they're each at home after work ( I am okay with Ryan playing his games, because I know it's his way of de-stressing.  I also know that we'll have plenty of opportunities to spend time together on the weekends, and he's usually considerate enough to turn his games off when I'm finished making dinner so we can eat together.  I personally don't mind his "me" time because that's actually when I can have some "me" time, as well!).  This co worker will often give Ryan excuses to not go out for lunch or dinner or any kind of meetups after work, because his wife "forbade" him from doing so, in an effort to save money.  Yet, she will go out for meals on her own without discussing it with him.  He has to get up super early for work, and she has afternoon hours for her job, YET he's stuck with taking their dogs out in the morning while she sleeps in, and he claims he's okay with it b/c they've done it for years.  They considered moving an hour away in order to purchase a house SHE wanted and she was going to make him drive an hour plus to work to make it happen...he said he "wouldn't mind it".  Ryan talked some sense into this guy (persuading him of other reasons NOT to get the house--they're deeply in debt, a long commute sucks,etc.) and the next day, he came into work and said "Yeah, we're not going to do it after all".  Not sure if he managed to change her mind, or if she ended up making that decision on her own.  But still.  When I hear stories like that--husbands asking wives for "permission" to just friekin' buy a sandwich for pete's sakes--I get really worked up.

Now, before you go off and think I'm the complete opposite, like some bow-down, submissive Japanese geisha...you'd be so wrong.  What did Ryan call me the other day...oh yeah, feisty.  I am feisty.  I argue. I put my foot down.  But I also know it has no effect on Ryan, haha.  And we laugh about it later.  I "let" him do things with his friends, and likewise, I do crap I want, as well.  But we don't really ask for permission, per se.  We just tell each other, "Hey, I'm gonna go do this...m'kay?"  And yeah, there have been occasions where I might have thrown a little Asian temper tantrum, but Ryan would just shrug and do it anyways, and then I'd realize later how dumb I was being. Vice versa.  I like our marriage better that way.  There is no way I could stand being married to someone who says, "Ohh, let's just do whatever you want to do, honey, I don't care".  I NEED an opinion, dammit!

But that's me.  And that's Ryan.  Maybe, just mayyybe, those passive husbands out there are genuinely happy with their arrangement...but I always wonder if deep down inside, they just want to break free like a bird!

Guys, what do you think?  Do all you females hate me now? (that's okay, I'm used to it in real life)