Sleepless
Wow. Why am I up at such an ungodly hour? Cramps, that's why! Argh--this is awful! Instead of lying in bed, waiting for the pain to subside and then fall asleep, I had the absurd thought that maybe since I was already up, I could wait for the pain to subside (while browsing the internet) and THEN practice! Since I am not, by nature, a morning person, it's a rarity to find me practicing in the wee morning hours like other good violinists out there. Obviously, I'd like to be, but I've never been that disciplined. On the contrary, I have no problem staying up past midnight practicing, but to get up at 4 or 5 and start doing it....no way.
When I was in my last year at CCM, the violinist, Cho Liang Lin (aka, 'Jimmy' Lin) was a visiting guest professor and I had a lesson with him. I had prepared Chausson's Poeme for my lesson and I met the resident accompanist outside his door before my lesson time. She asked me if I had adequately warmed up before hand, and I mentioned that I had gotten maybe an hour or so in. She was furious with me--"What is wrong with you?! You should have been here at 6AM practicing! While you're sleeping in, other students are practicing their asses off!"
That just sums up my practicing habits and my entire reputation as a violinist. The lesson actually went very well, and Mr. Lin liked my playing, but I've never forgotten what that pianist said to me. I was a little angry with her at the time for being in my face like that, but now I realize she actually cared about where I was going as a musician and it really bothered her that I had the natural ability but put in the most minimal effort while I was a student there. I totally agree with her now. And of course, if I could do a re-do of my life, I would work harder (or smarter maybe) at practicing and develop a more disciplined practice routine for myself. I've only recently started really realizing what kind of work is involved in becoming a decent violinist, and while I'm not of the opinion anymore that it's "too late" for me to get better (aren't we always self-improving?) I know I've lost a lot of time.
At any rate, that's behind me. I'm practicing now and I have a much clearer path set before me. I have no unrealistic expectations for myself, except for two things: I know I love music and playing the violin (and always have, even if I haven't always been the poster child of discipline), and I am constantly trying to set a higher standard in my playing every time I take my violin out of the case. I am only focused on those two things right now; if I play an audition and don't advance to the next round, but I knew I tried to be as honest of a player as possible, then I can go to sleep at night and not waste a second wondering why I wasn't good enough.
These cramps don't seem to want to go away, and it's almost 6am--perhaps it was meant to be for today: I'll be practicing while the rest of the world sleeps...
When I was in my last year at CCM, the violinist, Cho Liang Lin (aka, 'Jimmy' Lin) was a visiting guest professor and I had a lesson with him. I had prepared Chausson's Poeme for my lesson and I met the resident accompanist outside his door before my lesson time. She asked me if I had adequately warmed up before hand, and I mentioned that I had gotten maybe an hour or so in. She was furious with me--"What is wrong with you?! You should have been here at 6AM practicing! While you're sleeping in, other students are practicing their asses off!"
That just sums up my practicing habits and my entire reputation as a violinist. The lesson actually went very well, and Mr. Lin liked my playing, but I've never forgotten what that pianist said to me. I was a little angry with her at the time for being in my face like that, but now I realize she actually cared about where I was going as a musician and it really bothered her that I had the natural ability but put in the most minimal effort while I was a student there. I totally agree with her now. And of course, if I could do a re-do of my life, I would work harder (or smarter maybe) at practicing and develop a more disciplined practice routine for myself. I've only recently started really realizing what kind of work is involved in becoming a decent violinist, and while I'm not of the opinion anymore that it's "too late" for me to get better (aren't we always self-improving?) I know I've lost a lot of time.
At any rate, that's behind me. I'm practicing now and I have a much clearer path set before me. I have no unrealistic expectations for myself, except for two things: I know I love music and playing the violin (and always have, even if I haven't always been the poster child of discipline), and I am constantly trying to set a higher standard in my playing every time I take my violin out of the case. I am only focused on those two things right now; if I play an audition and don't advance to the next round, but I knew I tried to be as honest of a player as possible, then I can go to sleep at night and not waste a second wondering why I wasn't good enough.
These cramps don't seem to want to go away, and it's almost 6am--perhaps it was meant to be for today: I'll be practicing while the rest of the world sleeps...
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