Just Ramblin'...
I've already decided that my biggest resolution for the new year will be to say "no" more often and "yes" to what is BEST for myself. I'm always so worried about how things will look or what people will think if I decline a request or offer for something that otherwise I really wouldn't or shouldn't say 'yes' to.
I was really looking forward to a slower end of year, but it looks like--due to my inability to say "no"--every weekend will be taken up by something: a gig, a concert, rehearsals, makeup lessons, fund-raisers, attending a student's performance. Something always comes up. And I suppose the biggest reason I hesitate to say 'no' is NOT because I'm stingy with my time, but because of the expense it all adds up to. I tend to be a lot more generous with basically all that I have much more so than my husband. He's the "practical" one in the family, and I suppose it's good he handles our finances, because I'd be a mess with it myself. But I'm learning that someone has to be reasonable and I'm starting to envy those who are so much better at being firm with those decisions.
Fiscally, things don't look they will be turning around in 2013, so I'm considering, very seriously, scaling back on all the driving that I do for both non-paying AND paying gigs. A good percentage of my gig pay definitely goes into gas, and mostly in the end, I'm just wishing I hadn't accepted the gig b/c of the long list of stuff there is to do at home that just sits, waiting for me to get to it when I have the chance.
I also haven't done a lot of substantive practicing. Just practicing music for specific gigs, but nothing I should be or want to be working on for myself in the long run. This is bad. Very bad for my playing, and I'm beginning to see the effects. I can't let my playing go. It isn't like a painting that you start and can come back to and finish when you have more time; more like a painting you started, and then a little kid came along and scribbled all over it, or threw a bucket of water on while you were away, and when you come back and see what a mess it is...you feel like...ASS. THAT is what playing an instrument is like. Which is why so many people quit before they even discover what they're capable of. Probably. I know I feel like it sometimes.
But at any rate...I'm a little overwhelmed when I look at my calendar and all that I've said "yes" to. I can NOT wait until Thanksgiving break next week. We're going to my parents house this year. I'm hoping to maybe squeeze in some movie outing time and see the new James Bond film.
Haven't done any running this week.
The only cleaning I've done is standing over the sink washing dishes. Why are there always dishes? Why? It never ends. Same for laundry.
I was thinking about this the other day while I was driving after filling up my Mini (which I may, sadly, have to give up in the new year) : there doesn't seem to be one single thing in this world that can be left on its own without needing maintenance of some sort. Our bodies, our jobs, our skills; inanimate objects like furniture, houses...meaningless crap. They all need attention and maintenance. It gets tiring doesn't it? Trust me, this has something to do with what I was talking about earlier; I'm just trying to figure out what is important in life. It's such a short life--and I believe there is a more important one to consider after this one-- but it makes sense to make the most and the best of it, doesn't it? I don't want to look back on my younger, more energetic years and just remember all the running around I did, being stressed. I'd rather remember good times with my husband and with my family and friends. I'd rather work on building a happy marriage and home in the event we ever have children, because I NEVER want to be the parent that runs around non-stop, creating a stressful home life for everyone else. I totally believe I need to work on those healthy habits now, before any kids arrive.
How's that for a Thursday-ramble? :) I did NOT intend to have a long post. I actually got on to just post this picture of my newly-groomed dogs: Just in time for the holidays!
I was really looking forward to a slower end of year, but it looks like--due to my inability to say "no"--every weekend will be taken up by something: a gig, a concert, rehearsals, makeup lessons, fund-raisers, attending a student's performance. Something always comes up. And I suppose the biggest reason I hesitate to say 'no' is NOT because I'm stingy with my time, but because of the expense it all adds up to. I tend to be a lot more generous with basically all that I have much more so than my husband. He's the "practical" one in the family, and I suppose it's good he handles our finances, because I'd be a mess with it myself. But I'm learning that someone has to be reasonable and I'm starting to envy those who are so much better at being firm with those decisions.
Fiscally, things don't look they will be turning around in 2013, so I'm considering, very seriously, scaling back on all the driving that I do for both non-paying AND paying gigs. A good percentage of my gig pay definitely goes into gas, and mostly in the end, I'm just wishing I hadn't accepted the gig b/c of the long list of stuff there is to do at home that just sits, waiting for me to get to it when I have the chance.
I also haven't done a lot of substantive practicing. Just practicing music for specific gigs, but nothing I should be or want to be working on for myself in the long run. This is bad. Very bad for my playing, and I'm beginning to see the effects. I can't let my playing go. It isn't like a painting that you start and can come back to and finish when you have more time; more like a painting you started, and then a little kid came along and scribbled all over it, or threw a bucket of water on while you were away, and when you come back and see what a mess it is...you feel like...ASS. THAT is what playing an instrument is like. Which is why so many people quit before they even discover what they're capable of. Probably. I know I feel like it sometimes.
But at any rate...I'm a little overwhelmed when I look at my calendar and all that I've said "yes" to. I can NOT wait until Thanksgiving break next week. We're going to my parents house this year. I'm hoping to maybe squeeze in some movie outing time and see the new James Bond film.
Haven't done any running this week.
The only cleaning I've done is standing over the sink washing dishes. Why are there always dishes? Why? It never ends. Same for laundry.
I was thinking about this the other day while I was driving after filling up my Mini (which I may, sadly, have to give up in the new year) : there doesn't seem to be one single thing in this world that can be left on its own without needing maintenance of some sort. Our bodies, our jobs, our skills; inanimate objects like furniture, houses...meaningless crap. They all need attention and maintenance. It gets tiring doesn't it? Trust me, this has something to do with what I was talking about earlier; I'm just trying to figure out what is important in life. It's such a short life--and I believe there is a more important one to consider after this one-- but it makes sense to make the most and the best of it, doesn't it? I don't want to look back on my younger, more energetic years and just remember all the running around I did, being stressed. I'd rather remember good times with my husband and with my family and friends. I'd rather work on building a happy marriage and home in the event we ever have children, because I NEVER want to be the parent that runs around non-stop, creating a stressful home life for everyone else. I totally believe I need to work on those healthy habits now, before any kids arrive.
How's that for a Thursday-ramble? :) I did NOT intend to have a long post. I actually got on to just post this picture of my newly-groomed dogs: Just in time for the holidays!
Comments
As for the giving up on gigs, have you ever thought of hosting a recital for yourself? Heck, you could get a couple of musician friends together and host a small concert, maybe even for charity. It would be a lot of work, but it would also give you an opportunity to play what you want in front of a crowd. It's just a thought.
Hope you and I both get to relax FOR REAL before the year is over!! Congrats, again, on your marathon :)