On gigs and being an average violinist
In conjunction with my new motto of saying "NO" to gig offers in order to preserve some of my sanity and enjoy family/home life, I've already turned down an awesome gig that pays well (which I did last year), incredibly easy music and actually doesn't take up too much time...but the catch is that it's for Midnight Mass at a large Catholic church across town on Christmas Eve. Now, I remember last year--when I pretty much said 'yes' to every single gig that was thrown my way--I was running around like a crazy person, grumbling under my breath about how much driving I was doing and how I wished I could just be at home cooking dinner or hanging with the family. The Christmas Eve gig, in particular, was rough; the plan was for me to drive immediately afterwards to my in-laws, about an hour and a half away, to spend Christmas day with them. Ryan was supposed to get a head start ahead of me, but it turned out that he got sick (started throwing up before I left for my gig) and we just ended up waiting until Christmas morning to drive to his parents.
So when I got that email asking if I could do the gig again, my first instinct was to just be a hard ass and be grateful for the big paycheck I would get when it was all over. Then I remembered how I felt last time and how wonderful it would be to just RELAX and sit with my husband and his family and talk, eat a Christmas Eve dinner, and go to bed at a reasonable hour.
There are just too many things in life that are much, much more important than anything that requires you to work yourself haggard. Yeah, when Ryan and I were in college, or fresh out of school, it was a little more dire for us to get as much work as we could. Now, we both have more stable work (in comparison) and slightly different interests in life, and I find myself just wanting to enjoy the quiet.
Of course, I DO like playing. If only I could just beam myself to certain concerts and then beam myself right back home when it's over. But at any rate, I'm SO glad I passed this one over, and I very much look forward to spending that time, instead, with family.
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I was thinking about something else not completely unrelated to all this gig talk. Last night, I did another gig (ha! But it was 5 min. away from home and yesterday was my day off, so it was fine) and they told us to get there WAY too early, so a lot of us were just sitting around talking, waiting for the guest pianist to finish his first half of the concert. Someone asked me if I had done any recent orchestra auditions and it caught me off guard because it hasn't been on my mind and I've taken myself off the audition circuit for now. It took a bit of explaining (this group of players is a mixture of hired professionals, amateurs and students) as to why I wasn't actively doing them or looking right now. When I said I wasn't "ready" and had to be practicing several hours a day consistently for a long period of time in order to feel ready, this person just gave me the deer in the headlights look and said, "But...you're good NOW! So, what's the problem? Why don't you just play an audition?"
Bah! Do I need to explain again? Anyways, this led to talk about quality of playing, how much work it takes, the that the thought of doing a solo recital sometime next year would be more beneficial to me than "thinking" about auditions. Overhearing our conversation, this high school age girl who also was a violinist asked me if I was in school, working on my masters degree. Oh, I love this question--and I love answering with, "No, I'm almost 30". Also--what's up with people always asking if I have my masters degree? Here is the answer: No, I do not have a masters degree. I attempted it twice; first time was right before I got married, and it was the first time I ever took out student loans on my own. I ultimately got freaked about having debt of any kind, was stressed about my wedding and promptly withdrew with the intent of going back at a later time. In the meantime, I worked multiple jobs because that's what you have to do when you finish school and become an adult and have bills to pay, moved to Columbus to be with Ryan, and settle down into life here. Fast forward FOUR years later, when Ryan is seriously considering joining the Navy, I tell myself that this, THIS is the perfect opportunity to go back and do my masters while Ryan is training elsewhere for a long period of time. I audition, get in, get a partial scholarship...and Ryan decides to not join the Navy after all. We also own a condo that we can't abandon (like some people do apparently) and STILL have responsibilities here in Columbus--so one more time, I have to back out of grad school.
I really was disappointed with myself for a period of time, and felt like a failure. After all, getting a Masters degree nowadays is supposedly expected, just as much as getting the obligatory Bachelors degree. Most of my musician friends are STILL in school working on DMA's, PH.D's or Artist diplomas. And yet, the ones who are finished and emerge with those diplomas in hand....end up doing what I'm doing right now. Yeah, some are also incredibly blessed to have gotten positions with good orchestras, too. But please--they practiced their asses off. I had a classmate in college who dropped out of the undergrad program because she won a professional orchestra position and now plays with the Indianapolis Symphony. With no Bachelors degree.
So, when this high school chick's eyes got wide in amazement that I didn't get my masters and she proceeded to tell me of how many prestigious schools she was planning on auditioning for next year (and she also asked me how much my instrument cost--maybe that should tell you right there what her state of mind is), I felt like I was staring at a version of ME fifteen years ago. So naive and hopeful. Thinking I'm such a special violinist to only realize years later that this world is chock full of amazing players and they ALL think they're IT.
I didn't say it, but I so badly wanted to tell this girl to just go ahead and major in accounting or computer programming.
So when I got that email asking if I could do the gig again, my first instinct was to just be a hard ass and be grateful for the big paycheck I would get when it was all over. Then I remembered how I felt last time and how wonderful it would be to just RELAX and sit with my husband and his family and talk, eat a Christmas Eve dinner, and go to bed at a reasonable hour.
There are just too many things in life that are much, much more important than anything that requires you to work yourself haggard. Yeah, when Ryan and I were in college, or fresh out of school, it was a little more dire for us to get as much work as we could. Now, we both have more stable work (in comparison) and slightly different interests in life, and I find myself just wanting to enjoy the quiet.
Of course, I DO like playing. If only I could just beam myself to certain concerts and then beam myself right back home when it's over. But at any rate, I'm SO glad I passed this one over, and I very much look forward to spending that time, instead, with family.
********************
I was thinking about something else not completely unrelated to all this gig talk. Last night, I did another gig (ha! But it was 5 min. away from home and yesterday was my day off, so it was fine) and they told us to get there WAY too early, so a lot of us were just sitting around talking, waiting for the guest pianist to finish his first half of the concert. Someone asked me if I had done any recent orchestra auditions and it caught me off guard because it hasn't been on my mind and I've taken myself off the audition circuit for now. It took a bit of explaining (this group of players is a mixture of hired professionals, amateurs and students) as to why I wasn't actively doing them or looking right now. When I said I wasn't "ready" and had to be practicing several hours a day consistently for a long period of time in order to feel ready, this person just gave me the deer in the headlights look and said, "But...you're good NOW! So, what's the problem? Why don't you just play an audition?"
Bah! Do I need to explain again? Anyways, this led to talk about quality of playing, how much work it takes, the that the thought of doing a solo recital sometime next year would be more beneficial to me than "thinking" about auditions. Overhearing our conversation, this high school age girl who also was a violinist asked me if I was in school, working on my masters degree. Oh, I love this question--and I love answering with, "No, I'm almost 30". Also--what's up with people always asking if I have my masters degree? Here is the answer: No, I do not have a masters degree. I attempted it twice; first time was right before I got married, and it was the first time I ever took out student loans on my own. I ultimately got freaked about having debt of any kind, was stressed about my wedding and promptly withdrew with the intent of going back at a later time. In the meantime, I worked multiple jobs because that's what you have to do when you finish school and become an adult and have bills to pay, moved to Columbus to be with Ryan, and settle down into life here. Fast forward FOUR years later, when Ryan is seriously considering joining the Navy, I tell myself that this, THIS is the perfect opportunity to go back and do my masters while Ryan is training elsewhere for a long period of time. I audition, get in, get a partial scholarship...and Ryan decides to not join the Navy after all. We also own a condo that we can't abandon (like some people do apparently) and STILL have responsibilities here in Columbus--so one more time, I have to back out of grad school.
I really was disappointed with myself for a period of time, and felt like a failure. After all, getting a Masters degree nowadays is supposedly expected, just as much as getting the obligatory Bachelors degree. Most of my musician friends are STILL in school working on DMA's, PH.D's or Artist diplomas. And yet, the ones who are finished and emerge with those diplomas in hand....end up doing what I'm doing right now. Yeah, some are also incredibly blessed to have gotten positions with good orchestras, too. But please--they practiced their asses off. I had a classmate in college who dropped out of the undergrad program because she won a professional orchestra position and now plays with the Indianapolis Symphony. With no Bachelors degree.
So, when this high school chick's eyes got wide in amazement that I didn't get my masters and she proceeded to tell me of how many prestigious schools she was planning on auditioning for next year (and she also asked me how much my instrument cost--maybe that should tell you right there what her state of mind is), I felt like I was staring at a version of ME fifteen years ago. So naive and hopeful. Thinking I'm such a special violinist to only realize years later that this world is chock full of amazing players and they ALL think they're IT.
I didn't say it, but I so badly wanted to tell this girl to just go ahead and major in accounting or computer programming.
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